Forgiving ourselves

            As we have gone through our coursework and sought diligently to uncover the bare bones of our marriage. Exposing those things that help us come together as well as those things that drive our marriages apart. I have found great sorrows in past actions, as well and great joys for the future choices. I think the greatest thing I have learned or that I am still learning is forgiving ourselves. We forgive our spouses, we forgive our children, and we forgive our neighbors, but do we forgive ourselves? Do we look on past mistakes as steps, albeit difficult ones, that have lead up to a higher perspective. In Gottman’s book he states, “If you consider yourself inadequate, you are always on the lookout for what is not therein yourself and your partner” (Gottman, 2015 p. 283). We look for the weaknesses in ourselves, our spouses, our children, and in everyone we see. We find disappointment lurking in every corner because that is what we are looking for. If we are looking for the good in life, for the good in our marriages, for the good in our spouses we will find it.

            How do we overcome this negative view through the magnifying glass, both within ourselves and others? Again, in his book Gottman gives wise counsel he states, “Expressions of thanksgiving and praise are the antidotes to the poison of criticism and its deadly cousin, contempt” (Gottman, 2015 p. 283). Even self-criticism and inner contempt. Gratitude is the key for unlocking the vision and seeing the good in what is all around us. Self-acceptance does not mean that we stop progressing and changing. Self-acceptance means that we accept where we are on our journey and allow ourselves an opportunity to recognize how far we have come without condemning ourselves because of the greater distance we have yet to travel. This week and the following weeks after I will work on taking the time to truly be grateful for the blessings I have and allow myself to enjoy just being me. To accept all of me as a work in progress and look for that same acceptance in everyone I meet. Gratitude is a simple solution to a dangerous poison.

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert. New York: Harmony Books.